I met Jonny Craig during the summer, gave him a hug, took pictures ect. He seemed annoyed, and it broke my heart because I seriously have so much love for him. But I recently saw him again at a big show I went to this past Sunday. While I waited for a friend’s band to play, I saw him walking by. No one else realized it was him but me. I said his name, and asked if I could hug him and he just looked at me and smiled with open arms. I hugged and told him that I loved him, and he walked away with a smile. I was honestly so happy to the point I cried. I just cried and cried while I waited for my friend’s band to play.

Later that night, I tweeted about how I cried over a hug from him and how he seemed happy to hug me back and that it just made me so freaking happy. He ended up retweeting me and I cried even more. I just have so much love for this man and I felt the need to post about it. Omg and as I typed this a song of his started playing on Pandora.

(Source: imn0tscared)

Compared to everyone on this planet, I’m nothing.

I truly am nothing.

If I died today no one would really care.

They’d get over it.

I’m nothing special.

I’m not as great as everyone makes me sound.

If I told anyone this they’d try and prove me wrong.

They’d bring up my looks or personality, but in the end looks are meaningless. My personality, sure. But what about it? It’s not that great.

I’m always in deep thought about all this. Always.

(Source: imn0tscared)

I doubt you guys care but today, for mothers day, I went out of town. My best friend Mary and both our moms left and treated ourselves. I have no idea where we went but at after a long day we had a nice conversation coming home. That conversation opened my eyes and made me remember many things. A lot of the things from the conversation are still on my mind. Mostly about being mistreated by the people I love, and losing them too. One of which was the day I found out my grandma died. The person I loved and trusted more than anything else in this world growing up, dying. One person I loved and still do, I have lost. The one person I counted on weekends like so. That day I remember my dad arguing with my mom. That selfish bastard only cared about himself. He never even comforted me I just sat in the bathroom bawling. Hearing this story come out my mom’s mouth made me fight back tears, but I kept my cool Well, this weekend I lost the two people I trusted most, why might one ask? I was tired of being treated like shit. I’m tired of letting them put me down, or them putting me on the back burner for when they want or need me. I was there for both of them and forgave them whenever they mistreated me; I always forgave them. Always. I was still bummed about it, up until the conversation that gave me a whole new perspective on things. I now see that I don’t need people like that in my life. People who bring me down, discourage me, don’t love me, ect. I don’t need that in my life, because at that very moment I was in a car with people who I was loved by more than others; People who have never ever hurt me. I’m tired of feeling like it’s my fault my dad left, when really he just couldn’t handle being my dad; He couldn’t handle being a dad. I’m done putting up with the people I call my best friends when all they do is trash talk me, or bring me down more than anyone else. I’m done apologizing for mistakes that arn’t mine. I want to be happy, I want to be able to sleep at night, I want to feel loved, I want to believe in myself again, and overall I just want to begin my morning feeling as if it’ll be another great day where I’m not crying myself to sleep at night. I’m not up at five wondering wow, how did I mess up this time? What would make my best friend ever say that to me? Why would my dad have ever done that? Why doesn’t anyone show me they love me. When since the beginning, they have. I was just too blinded by being hurt so much by the ones I loved, to see it; To feel it. I’m going to bed feeling loved, and I hope this is a new beginning for me. I really do. This probably didn’t make any sense, especially because I’m ranting, but ugh I’m glad this is off my chest. I feel beyond better.

(Source: imn0tscared)