I doubt you guys care but today, for mothers day, I went out of town. My best friend Mary and both our moms left and treated ourselves. I have no idea where we went but at after a long day we had a nice conversation coming home. That conversation opened my eyes and made me remember many things. A lot of the things from the conversation are still on my mind. Mostly about being mistreated by the people I love, and losing them too. One of which was the day I found out my grandma died. The person I loved and trusted more than anything else in this world growing up, dying. One person I loved and still do, I have lost. The one person I counted on weekends like so. That day I remember my dad arguing with my mom. That selfish bastard only cared about himself. He never even comforted me I just sat in the bathroom bawling. Hearing this story come out my mom’s mouth made me fight back tears, but I kept my cool Well, this weekend I lost the two people I trusted most, why might one ask? I was tired of being treated like shit. I’m tired of letting them put me down, or them putting me on the back burner for when they want or need me. I was there for both of them and forgave them whenever they mistreated me; I always forgave them. Always. I was still bummed about it, up until the conversation that gave me a whole new perspective on things. I now see that I don’t need people like that in my life. People who bring me down, discourage me, don’t love me, ect. I don’t need that in my life, because at that very moment I was in a car with people who I was loved by more than others; People who have never ever hurt me. I’m tired of feeling like it’s my fault my dad left, when really he just couldn’t handle being my dad; He couldn’t handle being a dad. I’m done putting up with the people I call my best friends when all they do is trash talk me, or bring me down more than anyone else. I’m done apologizing for mistakes that arn’t mine. I want to be happy, I want to be able to sleep at night, I want to feel loved, I want to believe in myself again, and overall I just want to begin my morning feeling as if it’ll be another great day where I’m not crying myself to sleep at night. I’m not up at five wondering wow, how did I mess up this time? What would make my best friend ever say that to me? Why would my dad have ever done that? Why doesn’t anyone show me they love me. When since the beginning, they have. I was just too blinded by being hurt so much by the ones I loved, to see it; To feel it. I’m going to bed feeling loved, and I hope this is a new beginning for me. I really do. This probably didn’t make any sense, especially because I’m ranting, but ugh I’m glad this is off my chest. I feel beyond better.